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A fortnight of fatphobia
These last couple of weeks the anti-ob***y rhetoric seems to have hit an all time high. First the UK Government announced it’s going to start weighing children in school. Then a group of dentists in New Zealand published a highly suspect study about their miraculous new device designed to keep fat peoples jaws’ closed. Both…
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My Lowest Point
Trigger Warning: suicidal thoughts There’s something happening at the moment which is bringing back painful memories. Triggering me, if you will. And as always when I’m struggling, I’m hoping writing it down will help. I’m aware it might not be helpful to some readers: if that might be you, please click away from this post…
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ED recovery through chronic illness
It was all going so well. I had gone through therapy, weaned off antidepressants, and quit smoking. I was learning to deal with emotions, hate my body less and treat it better. But gradually, I started to feel more tired, have pain in my hips, ankles and feet, until walking up the hill to my…
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Learning to live with anger
Of all the emotions I buried with food, anger was the one that scared me the most. It seemed so destructive, so terrifying. I had this image of myself exploding with fury and releasing vitriol on such a scale that I would destroy everyone and everything around me. This, of course, was to be avoided…
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An apology to my body
Body, I’m sorrySorry for starving youFor not nourishing youFor not giving you what you needed Body, I’m sorrySorry for overfeeding youFor sometimes purging youMy mind said it was what I needed Body, I’m sorrySorry for ignoring youFor not listening to youWhen you told me what you needed Body, I’m sorrySorry for hating youFor physically hurting…
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Who Am I Without My Eating Disorder?
I was around 8 years old when I developed binge eating disorder symptoms. Those behaviours continued for 40 years, sometimes with purging, and with varying levels of restriction. Sometimes I went for a while without bingeing. But basically, BED (and all the other stuff that goes along with it) has been a constant throughout my…